My husband embraces challenges. And that's one of the reasons that I love him. We often laugh as we share with others that before we got married, I knew that I would have to be content with possibly living in a hut in a primitive place for the rest of our lives. He's the kind of person who sits up in bed in the middle of the night and excitedly asks, "Can we talk about how we can live off of less money?" But it's not simply a challenge that motivates my husband to do hard things. It's his conviction. His integrity. So when I began to see his heart deeply convicted about international adoption, I knew that I should take him seriously.
Thankful that we can provide different strengths to our marriage, I admit that a desire to embrace difficult tasks and to live uncomfortably is most certainly unnatural for me. With regard to adoption, I loved the idea of it. I needed no reminder that God's Word speaks clearly about the Christian's responsibility to care for the fatherless. I saw the beautiful Gospel representation in bringing an orphan into a loving, stable, Christ-centered family just like God, through Christ, has adopted an undeserving sinner like me into His eternal family (Ephesians 1). I enjoyed talking about adoption with Paul, and I loved seeing children adopted into wonderful families at our church. But deep down, I knew that something was missing. Deep down, something about personalizing adoption made me feel very uncomfortable, and it bothered me. Strangely, I couldn't grasp what was preventing me from being excited about the prospect of us adopting internationally. So I became more intentional: prayers about adoption became more frequent and more specific; I began to single out some people at our church who had adopted or who were in the process of adopting; I read excellent books about adoption; and I read blog after blog after blog after blog and waited for a breaking point.
...And remained frustrated. Why was I not more compelled? When would I be so emotionally moved by "a burden placed on my heart" that my tears would prevent me from talking to my husband across the dinner table like the girls about whom I read on these blogs? What was wrong with me?
And as my husband graciously and patiently allowed me to wrestle through this with him, we began to see the heart of my struggle, namely, fear. I realized that it wasn't that I didn't want to adopt; rather, I didn't want to adopt unless I could somehow be guaranteed that our adopted child would never suffer and that Paul and I would parent perfectly. And as Paul and I hashed out my thoughts, it seemed that God was systematically revealing a paralyzing web of fear that penetrated deeply and broadly. Fear about ways that being adopted can psychologically impact a child for the rest of his/her life. Fear that I might not love an adopted child as much as I would a biological child. Fear that our child and our family might experience the evil that is racism. Fear about the ways that growing up in a racially segregated city like Memphis has impacted me (though I love and miss Memphis!). Fear about the ways we might be perceived by outsiders.
I certainly believe that any adopting parent should think through issues like these prior to adopting. But I do not believe that fears alone should prevent me from moving forward, because as I pray through these fears and read my Bible, I see that as His child bought by Christ's blood, God hates my fear. Why? Because it's not from Him. Fears prevent me from living courageously by His Spirit and from seeing God's glory worked in our family as we seek to live out that which we profess to believe. He calls me to expect hardships and to live by faith in His sufficiency. He calls me to imitate those who have come before me and have chosen to live for the reason they were created at the expense of worldly ease: the Abrahams, the Sarahs, the Moses', the Rahabs, and other biblical heroes of the faith who desired a "better country, a heavenly one," (Hebrews 11:16). Fears hinder ministry (wives, need I mention our wonderful 1 Peter 3:1-6 passage to support this statement?), and true, Christ-honoring, fruitful, Christian faith forbids fear.
Praising Him who graciously helps me fix my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith when they're so prone to wander, I increasingly anticipate what's ahead.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Expecting Two, but No Twins?
No twins on the way... well, biological twins, that is. After having sought counsel, read, and prayed, prayed, prayed for over a year (since October 2009!), Paul and I have begun the process of international adoption! Lord-willing (a phrase that I do not use lightly here), we will bring home an infant (or two) from the Democratic Republic of the Congo within months! We are thrilled at how God might increase our family.
Here is a brief summary of our journey, and I hope to provide future posts detailing how the Lord has led us to adopt:
Since October 2009, the discussion of international adoption became an increasingly frequent topic of conversation between us. We had no reason to believe that we could not have biological children, but witnessing the beauty of adoption firsthand at our church served as a consistent reminder of the millions of parentless children across the world. By October 2010, we were aware of the devastating lives of many children in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and we prayerfully considered adopting 2 infants from the Congo. So the journey began...in October 2010, we applied to Adoption Assistance in order to begin our homestudies. Then, the Lord surprised us...
In December 2010, we discovered that I was pregnant! What a wonderful and unexpected blessing this has been! Baby Tennant is due in mid-August 2011. We still remain committed to our decision to adopt, and we are thrilled at the prospect of raising multiple children close in age. At this point we are preparing for the dossier, and we hope to be awaiting the referral of our child within months.
Seizing the opportunity to "defend the cause of the fatherless" and "plead the case for the orphan," (Isaiah 1:17), we are filled with praise.
Here is a brief summary of our journey, and I hope to provide future posts detailing how the Lord has led us to adopt:
Since October 2009, the discussion of international adoption became an increasingly frequent topic of conversation between us. We had no reason to believe that we could not have biological children, but witnessing the beauty of adoption firsthand at our church served as a consistent reminder of the millions of parentless children across the world. By October 2010, we were aware of the devastating lives of many children in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and we prayerfully considered adopting 2 infants from the Congo. So the journey began...in October 2010, we applied to Adoption Assistance in order to begin our homestudies. Then, the Lord surprised us...
In December 2010, we discovered that I was pregnant! What a wonderful and unexpected blessing this has been! Baby Tennant is due in mid-August 2011. We still remain committed to our decision to adopt, and we are thrilled at the prospect of raising multiple children close in age. At this point we are preparing for the dossier, and we hope to be awaiting the referral of our child within months.
Seizing the opportunity to "defend the cause of the fatherless" and "plead the case for the orphan," (Isaiah 1:17), we are filled with praise.
Eager to send this adoption application off, here is Paul waving at our little one across the world!
And Casper had to join in on the excitement:
And we can't forget Emma Dog! She's already learning to be gentle as she prepares to meet her newest friends.
And here is our precious baby that God is knitting together. At just 12 weeks and 2 inches long, Baby Tennant is sucking his/her thumb. Looks like Baby Tennant is going to be right handed just like Mommy!
Why Blog? Seems Vain!
Deciding whether or not to create a blog has been like deciding which vehicle will be our next purchase (If any of our friends are reading this, you might have lost your breath at the fact that we are actually considering a NEW vehicle! Just breathe slowly...). I like Honda Pilots because of the way they look (vain), and my husband thinks that minivans will make my life easier as a mom (practical and helpful, as always!).
Similarly, in light of my inclination to be glorified and to receive attention, I have hesitated to create a blog. My sinful flesh can write about my life as long as you're willing to read about it (vanity). In addition, I don't want to tempt myself to spend even more unnecessary time on the internet! But - brace yourself for a small chuckle - reading blogs, of all things, over the past year has been one of many ways that I have been compelled to increase our family. I have been blessed as friends as well as people that I've never even met have used their blogs to show me and the rest of the world what God can do in lives that are surrendured to Him (practical, very helpful). They've used their blogs as a resource for others, and I have tremendously benefited from them.
So here are my aims with this blog:
1. To show you and the rest of the world how gracious God is. I want you to see what He's done and is doing in my family, and I hope that as you see how He can save and abundantly bless a sinner like me, you'll be drawn to Him.
2. To provide helpful resources for families who might relate to us.
3. To provide our extended family and close friends updates into our lives when it can be difficult to keep in touch.
So whether you're my mom (who might just be my only reader), a friend, an extended family member, or a stranger, may God be magnified to you as you read of His work in our lives!
Similarly, in light of my inclination to be glorified and to receive attention, I have hesitated to create a blog. My sinful flesh can write about my life as long as you're willing to read about it (vanity). In addition, I don't want to tempt myself to spend even more unnecessary time on the internet! But - brace yourself for a small chuckle - reading blogs, of all things, over the past year has been one of many ways that I have been compelled to increase our family. I have been blessed as friends as well as people that I've never even met have used their blogs to show me and the rest of the world what God can do in lives that are surrendured to Him (practical, very helpful). They've used their blogs as a resource for others, and I have tremendously benefited from them.
So here are my aims with this blog:
1. To show you and the rest of the world how gracious God is. I want you to see what He's done and is doing in my family, and I hope that as you see how He can save and abundantly bless a sinner like me, you'll be drawn to Him.
2. To provide helpful resources for families who might relate to us.
3. To provide our extended family and close friends updates into our lives when it can be difficult to keep in touch.
So whether you're my mom (who might just be my only reader), a friend, an extended family member, or a stranger, may God be magnified to you as you read of His work in our lives!
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